Far to long I took life for granted. I didn't realize the extent of my unappreciation until my children became ill.
A year ago we learned Tharrin was not healthy, we weren't sure to the extent or what was wrong, but we knew something was amiss. After seven specialist and thousands of miles traveled we learned he has two heart defects (enlarged aortic valve and mitral valve prolapse), connective tissue disease, autoimmune disease (Hashimoto's), and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. Then, when Joshua was 18 months old he was diagnosed with Hepatitis C, he also has Sensory Processing Disorder, and Oral Aversion. Learning our kids were sick was devastating to say the least. I spent many days crying, begging God to spare their little lives, researching each diagnosis, and praying endlessly.
Our lives changed forever, I no longer walk upstairs to Tharrin's room thinking about everyday stuff, now I pray each and every time I walk up those stairs that he is alive and well. That is a terrible feeling, but it is my reality. When Tharrin walks out the door, I worry if he will pass out and this time not wake up. He rarely gets to stay overnight with friends anymore, because my anxiety is enormous. He spends entirely too much time at the doctor's instead of being a 17 year old boy.
Now we add Joshua's issues and even more adjustments are needed. This is hard to believe, but Chad and I haven't had a date in over 3 years. We are not able to sleep in our bed alone, we can't sit and have dinner as a family because Joshua can't tolerate the smell or sight of food. Our sweet boy has severe SPD, it literally controls our entire life, including his. He can't endure bright lights for an extended period of time, loud noises, new environments, any kind of change to his daily routine, large groups of people, food, and so much more. His Hepatitis C is aggressive, he already has stage 2 Fibrosis. Joshua also spends entirely too much time going to the doctor. So, you can imagine each day comes with new challenges. Most days are complete chaos.
But....... this is the part that gets me fired up. But God! Yes, God still reigns and is in complete control of this chaos. He walks with us each day, He already knows the story, He already won the battle. God is our refuge, He is our strength, He is our strong tower. When times are overwhelming I know where to look, I know this is His perfect plan, and what you don't know, I cherish it all.
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
